You know you're a nurse if...

Every once in a while, I'll get an email titled, "You know you're a nurse if..." So, I thought I'd post some of the ones I found amusing!

You know you're a nurse if...

• your sense of humor seems to get more "warped" each year.
• you can only tell time with a 24 hour clock
• you have wolfed down a sandwich while emptying your bladder.
• most everything can seen humorous...eventually.
• every time you walk you make a rattling noise because of all the scissors and clamps in your pockets.
• you've been telling stories in a restaurant and had someone at another table throw up.
• every time someone asks you for a pen, you can find at least three of them on you.
• you can intubate your friends at parties.
• you don't get excited about blood loss-unless it's your own.
• you ever told a confused patient your name was that of your co-worker and to call if they need help.
• eating microwave popcorn out a clean bedpan (or emesis basin) is perfectly natural.
• you've sworn to have "do not resuscitate" tattooed on your chest.
• the front of your scrubs reads "Nurses... here to save your butt, not kiss it!"
• you recognize that you can't cure stupid.
• you wash your hands BEFORE you go to the bathroom.
• you've placed a bet on someone's blood alcohol level.
• your idea of fine dining is anywhere you can sit down to eat.
• you believe that "shallow gene pool" should be a recognized diagnosis.
• you believe that the government should require permits to reproduce (ABSOLUTELY)!
• you believe that unspeakable evils will befall anyone who utters the phrase "Wow, it's really quiet, isn't it?"
• you have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and say "I have no idea how that got stuck in there." ("Spiderman did it")!
• you have ever had to leave a patient's room before you begin to laugh uncontrollably.

Just wanted to say thanks to all of those who have listened to my stories! :)